I got some news yesterday that really upset me. And I was upset because the news upset me. Confused? A family member announced yesterday that's expecting a baby. And I am so happy for her. She's going to be an amazing mother, and her husband is going to be a fantastic father. They are truly lovely people. However, Jonathan and I have been struggling to conceive for almost three years. So instead of being happy for them, I had to leave the room before I started crying.
I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening wallowing in self-pity. (I did manage to say congratulations before we left, but I know my behaviour was ridiculous.) I sobbed in my bed while my husband walked the dog. I honestly don't know the last time I cried like that.
This morning I woke up feeling a little foolish. How selfish am I? What is wrong with me that I can't be happy for friends and family who are experiencing one of the most joyful times of their lives? And what about my husband? How does it make him feel when I behave like that? Time to cancel the pity party and get on with life.
God's timing is perfect - I'll have a baby when (and if) I'm supposed to. For now, I've decided to try and finally develop that routine I've been talking about for months. I'm going to try and get myself healthy. Will eating better and exercising more make me get pregnant faster? Maybe, or maybe not. Will it make for an easier pregnancy when the time comes? Definitely. And if I don't get pregnant is there any harm in being healthier? Well that's just a silly question...